Problem Behaviour

Professor Matt Sanders

It is plain enough when we read in the daily newspaper of a child engaging in some highly dangerous practice such as jumping on and off moving trains for the fun of it that this is a ‘problem’ behaviour that needs to be discouraged.

Likewise, much of our policing and legal systems are aimed toward discouraging the behaviour of adults who engage in illegal or dangerous acts that bring about loss, property damage or injury.

For parents though, the issue of dealing with behaviour problems is often a lot less clear. Our children will always misbehave at times, do things we might not agree with, and act in ways that annoy or upset us.

Child rearing is strongly influenced by a parent’s values and beliefs. What we see as being either acceptable or problem behaviour is influenced by the values we consider important. For example, parents who view total obedience as important to family life may well interpret an adolescence’s attempts to argue a differing point of view as a challenge to adult authority. Another parent may see it as a child learning to express an independent opinion.

I have always encouraged parents to help their children become responsible, self-reliant and self-disciplined; able to make independent decisions and solve problems. At the same time, children need to become civilised and socially skilled human beings capable of living in harmony with those around them.

Professor Matt Sanders is founder of the Triple P - Positive Parenting Program.

 

For More Information

Golden Prairie has practitioners trained to do group seminars and initial problem consulting. Please contact:

Glenda Stanger
parent@goldenprairieplc.ca
403-854.8800

Yvonne Markotic
drumheller@goldenprairieplc.ca
403-820-5157

They will be happy to help you.

 

 

When is a problem 'Serious'?

So how does a parent recognise the point when their child is showing a serious behaviour problem requiring some outside help instead of something able to be dealt with through a bit of positive parenting?

All children behave at times in irritating, disruptive ways that may produce conflict within the family. ‘Problems’ such as pulling faces at the dinner table for example are seen in many children of a similar age.

Maturity Issues

Other behaviours such as crying, fussing, whining, attention seeking, fussy eating, bedtime difficulties, disobedience and thumb sucking are problems that usually decrease with maturity if handled sensibly. Likewise, hassles getting children to follow routines such as bathing, dressing, shopping or cleaning their teeth can be dealt with by parents effectively to prevent more difficult problems arising.

Of course, parents can’t assume that these normal problem behaviours will simply go away without effort.

Don’t fall for the old “its just a phase, he’ll grow out of it” trick.

Improvements in a child’s behaviour will not begin until action is taken. Parents need to learn positive alternative ways of reacting to a child’s behaviour when dealing with problems. Sometimes it takes just a minor adjustment in a strategy or tactic, other times may call on a rearrangement of a parent’s own priorities to allow more time for their child.

When to Seek Help

Even with attentive, caring parents, some children do develop more serious behaviour problems. The easiest way to recognise whether your family could benefit from professional help is to look at your child’s behaviour in relation to other children of a similar age. For example, a behaviourally disturbed youngster may not just occasionally fight with his brothers and sisters, but will also get into repeated fights at school, lose their temper frequently and destroy other children’s belonging with little guilt or remorse. Troublesome behaviour like this tends to occur frequently and persists over time.

It is important then to seek help if your child shows repeated examples of antisocial behaviour or emotional disturbances such as excessive worry, depression fear or obsessions. Help is available, although, disturbingly, research has shown that only 1 in 5 parents make use of professional support, and only 2% of children with identifiable mental health problems receive specialist mental health assistance.

Parenting Tip:

It is important to honestly evaluate the way you handle a problem with your child and note how your reaction to their misbehaviour in turn affects their reaction to your handling of the situation.